I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
