we're blogging at a bar
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
