he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
