Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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