We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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