dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
