I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
