Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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