If that was your dad, he is hot
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
