So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were destined to go to rehab together
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would fuck him just for his dog
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
