If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
