Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
