I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
