I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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