I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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