So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
