there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
