no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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