like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're a waste of cheezeits
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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