I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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