Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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