She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
