woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
