Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
