she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize