hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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