WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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