I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
