i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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