is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
