im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
