last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
