she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
