Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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