Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
