Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
