how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
