ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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