i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize