Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
