my vag is so smooth its legendary
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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