I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
