11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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