i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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