in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
