My first STD was from a foam party
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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