i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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