He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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