the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
