Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Randomize
