She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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