Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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