ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
