Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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