just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
