when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
