So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
