So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am one with the molecules
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
