if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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