I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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