Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
