3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
