But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
