Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im part way to drunk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
