I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
