If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
