Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
