mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize